i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My vagina is officially offended.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
