She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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