I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
