Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
