I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We are two peas in an std pod
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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