Cold hands, warm shart.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
