Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
