he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
