omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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