like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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