I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
