Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
