your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
