Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
