you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
