im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
