He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
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Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
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I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
A bitchslap is in order.
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