Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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