this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
