I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
