is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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