Got a toothbrush?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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