we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
