using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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