I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
