A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Ladies don't puke and tell
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
