its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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