I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize