I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize