I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
