well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
