Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
