So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
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I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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