We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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