I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You took a bar mat shot.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
