You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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