the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
