It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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