You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
