girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
