The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
