i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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