another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
