How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
