I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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