I want to have your abortion
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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