1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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