i think my tv is drunk
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
