You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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