JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
