Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
whose parrot is this?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
