oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
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I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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