i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
