There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
