He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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