It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
