return my video game
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
