I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
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I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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