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She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
