So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
