How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
