I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
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We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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