Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
how does that bad decision feel?
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