I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
