im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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