what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
