Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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