This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
