i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
