I wish I only lived at night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
