i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
