I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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