Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
